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XOXO

I rushed out the drive way on my way to Jimmy. I turned and suddenly I ran in to him. He smiled and hugged me.

- Hey! What a surprise! He smiled a little bigger and took my hand. We went to the café at the end of the street and sat down. My hands started to get sweaty and my eyes couldn’t focus, I couldn’t concentrate… was this it? Would I, in a month sit here all alone?

- So… he said and tried to look me in the eyes. I got this letter… and I know you don’t want me to go but i need to… I looked away.

- And now I think I want to do this… for us. I knew what he was talking about. When Aaron told me I didn’t believe it. He’d been looking at me with a surprised look and the words; “He didn’t tell you? He’s leaving in a week” came out of his mouth.

I was at my breaking point and now my tears came.

- Please, tell me you didn’t! Please! Now my tears were running uncontrollable.

But suddenly I got mad. How could he do this to me!? What gave him the right!? How could he come in to my life, take my heart and then just rip it out…He looked down with a sad and sorry face.

- Please, tell me you didn’t! Please don’t! Now I was yelling, and Jimmy looked away. And then suddenly, he got mad. He stood up.

- I thought you would understand this! I thought you of all people would understand why I did this! I did this for us! He was yelling and I was crying and I couldn’t move. He was looking at me but I couldn’t look back. He was going away to Iraq, and I could do nothing to stop it. The feeling of being so powerless rushed over me and I couldn’t say anything. He took my hand quietly and led me home. We were quiet all the way home. Would this be the last time? That question bounced around in my head, like a song you can’t stop singing (But not as pleasant).

My cheeks were wet and we were at my porch, we sat down.

- I will wait for you… endlessly. My words were small and quiet but that were the song we had chosen as our song, the day on the yellow field and I just wanted him to remember that day. He looked at me for a second; he hugged me and whispered in my ear,

- I know… But I have to go… I need to. I nodded, and he went of the porch and on to the drive way.  

The day had come, he was going to get on a bus and go away. They were going to take him away, teach him to kill and put him in a war (With real guns!!!). He might get killed, and all I could do was say goodbye…

We stood next to the bus. He hugged me and whispered into my ear.

-          Life is short, people change, situations change. But my feelings for you, when I look at you, won’t ever go away, and I just want us to last forever. He let go of me and I looked at him.

-          We will. No matter what happens we’ll always have this. That’s never going to change. And I want you to know that you always have someone here for you. I’m never going to leave you.

He walked up the stares and on to the bus. He sat down and soon he was gone.

I went home. There was nothing I could do… so I went to bed and slept till 4 in the afternoon the next day. I now had no reason to get up so why should I? My mom was drunk, my dad was gone and the one reason I had to get up just left me.

So my days went on… my sleeping was eternal. Until one day. I got a letter. I was surprised, Jimmy was not the kind of person to write letters… but this was it:

 

Honey,

 I came here; they yelled in my face, shaved of all of my hair and then they thought me how to use a gun .I have now decided that I don’t like guns… There is not one second of the day that I don’t think about you. But I need you to understand why I did this. I need you to be proud of me. Cause, I did this for us.

I have a Chance to make a difference. Something people can remember me by.

Do you remember what you said when I was leaving? You said you were never going to leave me. Please just remember that until I get back. I promise I’ll be back soon!

I love you/ Jimmy

 

I got out of bed. I could not believe he had written that… He never expressed feelings… but now I knew Jimmy was soon going to be back and everything would be back to normal. I just have to try not to think about it.

My life started again… slow and steady… I hung-out with Aaron a lot and I noticed how much time I used to spend with Jimmy, because now I had so much time... But Aaron made me feel better, he was Jimmy’s best friend, and they were exactly the same. It was nice, like having a small part of Jimmy here.  

But what made me feel really good was the fact that every Monday there was a letter in my mailbox. Jimmy made me feel good even though he was so far away. He said he missed me and loved me and that he would be home soon (he was actually really good at writing letters). So every Monday I hurried home from school to read my next letter.

I sat in my room with the 5:th letter. I started “smother me” with “The used” on my stereo, and I remembered the time we were at “The taste of chaos” festival. “The used” was Jimmy’s favourite band so it felt like it was only right to listen to it while I read his letters. This letter was different though. It was much sadder. This time he wrote about his friend, Jack. Apparently he was missing…. Jimmy and Jack had met the day they arrived.

This letter made me a little worried, but he always said not to worry, that he would be fine and that all he did was just normal procedure.

Now the quiet part of the song came and Aaron stepped in to my room.

-          Hey, he said and lay down beside me.

-          Hello. How are you? I asked and looked at him beside me.

-          I was fine, until I saw you…

-          What did I do?

-          Pretty little girl… you look so sad…What’s wrong? He looked at me with a worried face.

-          Jimmy might die! I just feel a little worried… I said with irony in my voice. I had actually never been this scared in my entire life.  

-          Don’t worry; Jimmy will be home soon. And he can take care of himself. You know that. He have done a good job of that his entire life, this is no different. He hugged me and I did feel better… We listen to the rest of the “The used” album and then Aaron went home. It was nice to have someone to be quiet with...

The next letter came on Friday… (Weird)

 

They say life is short, They say you wake up one day and all of your dreams and all you’ve ever wished for, is gone… just like that. You know?

People get old and things change, people change. And what I want is… I just want the moment on the field to last forever, the way you looked at me that day. And I just want us to last forever. And I want you to know that I’m never going to leave you, I’m always here for you… always…

Because, everything is nothing without you. I would wait forever just to see you smile, because it's true what they say; I am nothing without you.

 

I will be home in a while; you don't have to say a word I can't wait to see you smile;
I wouldn't miss it for the world

I love you/ Jimmy

 

A month later I sat on the lechers and looked out over the yellow field. My tears were streaming down my face and I held that last letter in my hand…

Jag skrev denna lilla novell för ett tag sedan och som ni kanske har fattat så är dt min tolkninga av Wake me up when september ends... Har ni testat de nån gång? De va jätte kul... Ha ni nån bra novell kan nu få skicka den om ni vill... Jag är lite sugen på en novell ;) I showed you mine you show me yours =) 

Haha...

XOXO